Why More Time and Effort Won’t Fix Your Problems.
As another year draws to a close, the last few days of December are a natural time of reflection, remembering, and planning. Time to look back on what was and consider what could be.
In one way or another, 2020 has been an interesting year. One that has tested many aspects of our normal societal function and has left few unscathed.
Though it can be easy to hope for a clean mental reset come the first of the year, the reality is that life doesn’t work like that. Nature doesn’t function off of a 365 day fiscal calendar like we do.
New Year’s Resolutions are easy to create and hard to fulfill. Why? Because these rarely accompany the true and meaningful identity change that is needed to see these efforts through.
So this year, I want to challenge you to take a different approach. Instead of thinking about putting more effort into your life to create change, I want you to think about putting more awareness into your life to acknowledge and be honest about what is.
So often we walk through life with self talk, actions, and thought patterns that don’t serve us well. We eat food that harms our bodies. We drink caffeine and alcohol or take medications to alleviate these pains. We don’t sleep enough. We live in chronic stress and consume mindless distractions to stay busy.
Before long, we end up feeling stuck in a situation, job, relationship, or environment that we would have never chosen if given the opportunity to start over. How do we fix it?
It starts by simply paying attention to our lives, our bodies, and our minds.
Next time you eat, pay attention to how your body responds to the food – what your energy, digestion, and joints feel like in the next few hours.
Next time you get stressed, pay attention to the cravings and desires that pop up – do you want to eat, fast, drink, move, or shut down?
Next time you feel fulfilled or in alignment, pay attention to what went well and what your actions were – how can you continue to build these scenarios into your life more often?
By studying your emotions, thoughts, actions, and decisions you can begin to learn yourself. Once you have learned yourself innately, you can then begin to remove the parts of your life that aren’t natural or helpful to you. This is often all that is needed to begin to thrive as you were meant to.
As you do this, I want to encourage you to not get caught up in the “effort trap”. Trying harder, doing more, being better…
The “Effort Trap” is one of the most common mental traps people get stuck in. Essentially, it’s the misconception that more effort and time will fix everything from bad grades to poor health and strained relationships.
For example, trying to lose weight by working out harder and practicing more self-discipline this month might work, but it’s much more likely to see the slight improvement out shadowed by the eventual slide back into poor eating and sedentary habits.
So what do we do if the solution isn’t effort? I know that this goes against most mainstream thought patterns, but think of it this way – if effort, self-discipline, will power, and grit were enough, you’d be far more successful than you are in whatever pursuit you are struggling with.
The bigger issue is the attempt to apply effort without fully examining the scope of the problem.
Why are you so drawn to junk food and sugar?
Why do you feel the need to drink alcohol, take anti-anxiety pills, or other drugs daily?
Why is there such resentment and contempt in your relationships?
The reality isn’t that you aren’t trying hard enough. More often than not, you’re trying too hard. These “vices” are just the pressure release value from the stress and suffering you subject yourself to on a daily basis.
If we step back, there is nothing inherently “wrong” with any of these vices – alcohol, sugar, junk food, relationships and other so-called problems only become problems when they become crutches that we cling to in the hope of salvation.
The true issue is our mistaken perception that by continuing to strive for external validation we can achieve happiness and fulfillment. In reality, more money, less body fat, newer stuff, and more impressive titles will never fill that hole. It will just create a greater reliance on the support systems we become attached to that enable our habit.
So what is the takeaway here? There is power in sobriety. And I don’t just mean from substances.
The drug of busyness and productivity – always needing to maximize time and be doing something.
The drug of distraction – TV, Netflix, Social Media, and cheap entertainment to occupy your mind.
The drug of obligation and “service” – Living for everyone else (kids, spouse, friends, parents) except for you.
And of course, there are the substances we use to numb the voice inside – caffeine to wake us up, sleep meds to put us down, anti-anxiety and anti-depressants to turn our brains off, stimulants to turn our brains on, alcohol to ease our inhibitions, weed to dull the voice inside, and sugar to make us feel good.
I am not encouraging you to renounce any of these or give them up. In doing so you become attached to the opposite of them and gain nothing. But I do want you to consider why all of these drugs have such a hold on you.
If you can’t remember the last time you were fully sober – nothing in your system, nothing to do, no stress of obligation, or distraction – fully present in life, in the now, then don’t be surprised when you can’t seem to find clarity and peace in your life.
Your heart, your mind, and your body have great intelligence. However, if you’re too busy you’ll never learn from them because you’ll never hear them.
As you head into 2021, make time and space for this. More effort will never solve the problems you face if you don’t actually know what the root cause is. You have all of the capacity and ability to live presently and happily. but only if you get out of your own way.
Most people walk around their entire life in a stranger’s body. Let this be the year that changes for you.
Each day brings a new opportunity and a new challenge. My hope is that you will set for yourself the intention of facing the those with confidence and excitement.
You only live once, so what are you doing to actually enjoy it?
