Stressed and Overwhelmed? Try This.
Weekends are great. They give us a chance to catch up on sleep, stay up late, and partake in habits that are otherwise not conducive to productivity. After a long and stressful week, who doesn’t want time to unwind and decompress?
But what if I told you that your habit of pure hedonism every Friday night to Sunday afternoon was causing you more stress and problems? And not because of the extra calories you’re consuming..
Some people know them as the Sunday Scaries, other people just recognize it as the nervous feeling of anxiety in the pit of your stomach that pops up as you realize the weekend is coming to a close and that Monday is just a few hours away. The party is over and it’s time to jump right back into the hamster wheel of stress and obligation for another 5 days.
Rinse, lather, repeat. Over and over again. When does it end?
Well it ends when you do something different. When you stop the inevitable slide and snowballing momentum that a lack of thoughtful planning has created. When you step outside of your daily stresses and routines to think about the overall situation you are in.
My best recommendation on a tool to change this? Taking an hour or two each weekend to pause. Use this time to reflect back on the last week and the events that unfolded and look ahead to the new options and obstacles that will present in the week to come.
This is a form of Quadrant 2 prioritization. Some of you may be familiar with the Important and Urgent quadrant set up that Dwight Eisenhower used to plan his time:
- Quadrant 1: Important and urgent – Things that need to be done ASAP
- Quadrant 2: Important, not urgent – Things that need to be planned for
- Quadrant 3: Urgent, not important – Things that should be delegated or bulked
- Quadrant 4: Not Important and Not Urgent – Things that really should be eliminated
Unfortunately, we tend to spend most of our time in the Quadrant 1, 3 and 4 areas, trying to balance a whole host of things that pop up as fires or that ultimately don’t really matter. And while much of that comes with the territory of life, work, and family, what it means for you is that you have to be mindful of your overall time resources to make space for the work that otherwise can get pushed down the line – the quadrant 2 work.
If you’ve ever heard the distinction between working “in” your life versus working “on” your life, this encapsulates it well. Quadrant 2 work is that which allows you to step out, to a bird’s eye view, to take a closer look at things like the vision of your life, your long term goals, the systems you function off of, and the overall outcome you are headed towards.
This is akin to pausing to look at the map before embarking on a journey. And though it may sound simple to do in that setting, many of us are moving through our life like moths drawn to the nearest, brightest light. Ultimately this leaves us drained and without a feeling of purpose and impact.
Think about it this way, taking time to pause and step out of your life is like resetting your phone or computer when it gets too backlogged, taking out the trash when it’s full, or reconnecting with a friend or loved one after a time apart. We understand the importance of this across the board, yet oftentimes fail to actually implement such actions in our lives.
Each day your brain deals with thousands of decisions. Each week you will manage millions of pieces of information. So when are you pausing to process, absorb, and clean that system out? If you can’t remember the last time you sat down in stillness to think, journal, meditate, or simply be present, then that’s an issue.
I spend 1-4 hours each week journaling on the past week or whatever happens to be on my mind. This is a crucial aspect of my ability to learn, grow, and function well. I have found that the process of forming full statements and sentences from what are typically fragmented thoughts is an incredible way to actually process my emotions and get in touch with what I think and feel about a situation.
Our brains are incredible machines, more powerful than we know. So powerful in fact that we are often blind to the speed at which it processes and stores information, jumping to the nearest availability heuristic on how to deal with a situation, whether it actually fits or not. The emotional reaction we feel tighten in our chest when an email from work pops up may not be a helpful response to the situation. But we’ll never know that if we don’t slow down to question our assumptions and perceptions first.
My challenge to you is to make that time in your week. You won’t find time for it; you have to prioritize it and make it happen. Make a space that can be quiet, intentional, and focused on the task at hand. It doesn’t have to be journaling, though I find that to be incredibly helpful as a tool for more in depth thought, but it needs to be something that allows you to pause and pull apart the numerous things that weigh on your brain from week to week.
It won’t be perfect, and it doesn’t have to be. You can find more structured routines online or you can just start writing about what is happening currently and how you feel about that. After sorting through the immediate troubles, take a step back to think about the direction of your life. A few questions to ask yourself are:
- What purpose, vision, and goals do I have for myself?
- How do I define success for myself?
- What am I doing on a weekly basis to work towards that mission or vision?
- Am I happy with the things I’ve done, impact I’ve made, relationships I’ve formed, and opportunities I’ve taken?
- What changes do I need to make to create more joy and presence in my life?
- What do my actions from the past week say about my true intentions and priorities in life?
- In 10, 20, 30, or 40 years will I look back and wish I had lived this moment differently?
- What do I want to be different about myself and my life in 1 week, 6 months, or 1 year?
Obviously, those are lofty questions that you may not be able to succinctly answer. Additionally, your answer to those will change as you age, but the practice of putting mental bandwidth to these types of topics is invaluable. As you spend tine pondering these topics, your brain will work subconsciously as you sleep to help you start to process what the answers to these questions are for you. Over time you will gain clarity – as the old saying states well: “Where attention goes, energy flows.”
Mindfulness and journaling is like any other skill, it sharpens and refines over time. And as with any other form of practice, the best time to start was 10 years ago, the next best time to start is today. So make it happen!
