Managing Stress in the End Times
So everyone is freaking out about the COVID 19, or Coronavirus, pandemic. Much of it is justifiable given its high level of transmission and potentially life-threatening symptoms for certain populations. And yet, much of what we hear is secondhand information that is factually inaccurate or hyped up by news stations looking to stay in front of our faces.
Yes, this is bad. But you know what’s worse? The general panic and hysteria that’s created by all of the misleading, attention grabbing media. Everyone on Facebook and social media is now an apparent doctor with an update on how you should feel. TV Shows and daily news outlets are capitalizing on the fact that this hot button topic will definitely sell.
Small businesses across all industries are being crushed by a huge loss in commerce. Events and gatherings are being cancelled. Most sports have been postponed or cancelled. These efforts will go a long way toward slowing the spread and eventually flushing out this disease. But while that happens, it is absolutely imperative that we are careful not to trample over one another in our efforts to stay healthy.
For example, there is currently a massive shortage of toilet paper in the US, and I could not explain to you why. But simply because there is a shortage of toilet paper, guess what everyone wants? Toilet paper. And now there is more panic because we all are scared of not being able to properly clean up after going to the restroom.
And this particular aspect of the panic hits home for me and my wife who were naturally coming up on a restock of bathroom tissue. But guess who can’t find any toilet paper? And as silly as this sounds, it’s actually highly indicative of the problem. People are losing their mind about stuff that they have absolutely no control over, causing them to act irrationally, which adds to the general panic.
So this brings up the question, how do we manage all of this stress??
As a general overview, there are 4 main types of stress –
- Physical – A hard workout or physical activity
- Mental – A challenging problem or decision, a math test for example
- Emotional – Difficult feelings, romantic problems, relationship issues
- Psychological – Existential topics, meaning/purpose, Meta/Transcendent stuff
And for each of those stressors there are chronic and acute versions.
- Acute – Short term, resolved quickly, natural timeline for normal human stressors
- Chronic – Long lasting, seemingly unresolvable, things that make you feel helpless
The problem for us humans is that we didn’t evolve with many chronic stressors. Most of the issues were very temporal, physically apparent problems that we resolved with a physical solution. Man see bear, man run from bear.
But as our brains have increased in size and our relationship with technology has become ever more complex, we’ve introduced levels and intensities to our ability to stress. Now instead of worrying about where food will come from, or staying warm, we worry about our purpose in life, whether nuclear holocaust will happen from some country across the world, whether our spouse will love us forever, or on a lower level, what Jenny thinks of the Instagram post you just put up because “she didn’t like it but I KNOW she follows me and she saw my text the other day but didn’t respond and I know she saw it because she’s got read receipts on but IDK if she knows I know that I don’t even know what her problem is she’s got a horrible taste in guys I can’t believe that guy she’s talking to ugh…”
So why does this all matter? Well, simply put, regardless of what type of stress or how long it lasts for, our body responds with the same mechanism – releasing cortisol, the stress hormone. Cortisol is extremely important for our body, playing a role in blood sugar, inflammation, blood pressure, memory, and metabolism. This stress response is how we adjust and adapt to our ever-changing environment.
Too little stress in our lives leads to a loss of muscle, motivation, energy, and health. But too much stress leads to chronic disease, loss of sleep, anxiety, lack of focus, and a feeling of overwhelm. And with stress management being a hot topic, people are more aware than ever of the benefits of exercise, meditation, proper nutrition, and sleep in regard to stress reduction.
The issue is that there is only so much you can do to manage the stress that you are not actively preventing. What ends up happening is people are trying to use a bucket to empty a flooding boat that’s got massive holes in the side instead of looking to stop the inflow. What we have lost is our ability to step back from the situation and ask ourselves what is really worth tolerating and what we are really sacrificing for this outcome?
The fix to this is a magical tool I call PERSPECTIVE.
Without stepping back to look at the situation from a bigger angle, we end up adding more prescription, more activities, and ultimately more stress to our lives than before, defeating the purpose. But by taking a bigger perspective on our life and the issues we are faced with we can appropriately plan, deal with, and mitigate stressors before they actually become stress.
When we struggle to take a bigger perspective on our life, we end up running into these three common faults that ultimately lead us to more problems and frustrations:
1) Letting emotions run what should be logical decisions
Our emotions are great. They’ve helped us evolve past the Neanderthal stage as we learn to navigate interpersonal relationships and make conceptual decisions about fear and happiness without having to learn the hard way. But they are not great for guiding our logical processing about long term risk and reward.
When we make permanent or big decisions based on temporary feelings, we are often left with regret as that emotion wears off. Anyone who’s been in love with “butterflies” understands that the relationship feels much different after the honeymoon phase passes, which is a tough pill to swallow if you’ve gotten hitched on a weekend elopement to Vegas. The same is true for the nasty things you say in an argument when you’re angry, the overly optimistic bet you make on a good feeling about your team, or the hesitancy you feel to trust a new partner after the last relationship hurt you.
This is not to say that we should ignore our feelings and emotions. They are very important in helping us understand our deeper fears and motivations in any decision-making process. But we need to be able to step outside of that moment to think about other aspects before committing to or rejecting a thought.
For example, your hesitancy to invest in a real estate property, once explored, may simply be a fear of letting go of a bunch of money at one time and taking a big risk. But if after doing research to understand any unknowns you are able to determine that it’s a lower risk proposition with a high likelihood of success, you would be best off to let go of that emotion that isn’t serving you well and move forward with the investment.
On the other hand, if that emotion of hesitancy turns out to be a lack of desire or effort to do the work involved in seriously considering the risk or managing the ongoing investment, then you’re better off passing on the opportunity since you’re not likely to be motivated enough to do the due diligence on how good of a decision the investment would be.
Given that all choices involve some aspect of risk and sacrifice, it’s important to use your emotions as metrics to judge your motivations and ability to handle that risk. BUT never let them be the sole metric of your process if you don’t want to end up a situation you’ll regret later.
2) Focusing on things outside of our circle of control/influence
If you haven’t heard of this model before, the circle of control is a visual representation of the different layers of events that go on in the world.
Things you can change/impact – Anything you have complete autonomy over. Your decisions, your responses, your language, and your actions.
Things you have some influence over – Relationships you have a role in, outcomes of projects you work on, or the events you participate in.
Things you have no control over – Other people, the weather, literally everything that is not you.
The big point here is that any effort, worry, or stress that we spend on things that are not in our immediate circle of control is wasted. Of course, you should consider outside events and adjust your actions and choices if needed, but that’s different than trying to change these things or affect them.
You can’t affect the weather, so getting mad because it rained on your special day is not a good use of your time. Neither is worrying about if it will rain on your special day for weeks or months in advance. If you are that worried about it, then plan for a backup space or a contingency plan. The difference between planning ahead for what you can change and worrying about what you can’t change is huge. Making this distinction second nature will absolutely change your life and make many would-be stressors nullified.
3) Stopping the high value tasks that build toward long term goals
And finally, just because you are stressed or having difficulty now does not mean that it will last forever. Odds are that you’ll escape this current predicament just fine. But if you’ve thrown all your good habits and routines out the window while you were trying to manage that emotion in the moment, you’ll end up with more problems down the road.
For example, just because your relationship ended does not mean it is wise or healthy to start binge eating and skipping the gym. Just because you’re stressed at work does not mean you should skip date night with your spouse or pass on tucking the kids in at night. Similarly, just because you are running late for an appointment doesn’t mean you should start projecting that anger at people around you and giving them the finger!
If anything, stressful events and periods in life should be time where you double down on your first principles. To go back to those previous examples – Cleaning up your eating and getting fit will absolutely help you feel better and get back in the dating game. Prioritizing your relationship and your family will help you stay grounded regardless of the stress that your work brings, making you better equipped to handle it. And being mindful of those around you even when you are stressed and rushed will help you stay present and effective when you do get to that appointment.
The point here is that the important but not urgent tasks are the ones that build to a better and stronger future. The goal is to keep that in mind even when stress pops up so that you can stay on track for those long-term goals.
So what does this mean for COVID 19?
To bring this back to the current situation, yes, the potential of a massive pandemic is real and can easily strike fear. But when we let that fear lead our decisions, we end up much worse off. We pull money out of the stock market when it’s at the lowest. We start hyper focusing on the news and problems around the world. We stop exercising and eating healthy and start hoarding toilet paper. We stop living and start stressing.
And though this can feel natural with a palpable anxiety seemingly all around you, this is the worst thing you can do. Spending time worrying about things outside of your circle of control will only bring more stress and frustration. Instead, focus on what you can do:
Eat your veggies, keep your hands out of your nose and eyes, get your sleep, nix the alcohol, don’t smoke, exercise, manage the stress you do have, get sunlight, drink water, and cut out the sugar.
Each of those actions are entirely in your circle of control. And guess what, if you live like that, you will not only be absolutely fine, you’ll also improve your health and ability to be your best self. So do yourself and everyone around you a favor and take care of yourself. The rest will work out, even without you worrying about it! (And maybe I’ll be able to find some toilet paper..)
